I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
