Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize