So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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