If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love you. Go after that dick
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