FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
