I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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