I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
