I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
