is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
