So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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