when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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