There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
