There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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