i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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