I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
