sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
