you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
