you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
