if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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