dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize