My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
