there's paper in my vomit.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
