she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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