great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
