i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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