He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
