Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I love having hate sex.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
