Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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