and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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