If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
