I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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