you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
