Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Life is so much better after having sex.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
