Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
