i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So many bounce houses so little time
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
