More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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