I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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