Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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