Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
