Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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