btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize