it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
