Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
