cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
