fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the condom got lost in my hair
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
