I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
