I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
