you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
