honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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