I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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