i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
