Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
