The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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