I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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