apparently the secret to your success is patron
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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