i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
