I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
