we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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