i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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