I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
