I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
