I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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