just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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